Roommate Red Flags to Consider When Deciding If You Should Keep Living Together

By Ashley Paskill

Living with a roommate can be challenging, even if they are the perfect roommate and you get along perfectly. In many cases, there may be an occasional fight or disagreement, but things are usually able to be worked through. However, there are some things that are signs that you should find a new roommate to live with.

Stealing or borrowing without permission

Even if you share an apartment, you and your roommate have your own corners of the space. However, if your roommate is constantly intruding on your belongings and stealing them or even borrowing them without your permission, it is a red flag to look for. This is especially true if you have talked to them about the situation and have set a boundary, but they should not be stealing or going through your things at all. If you have had conversations about stealing or borrowing without your permission, and your roommate continues to disrespect you, it may be time to reevaluate your roommate situation.

Differences in cleanliness

Many people have different levels of tolerance for messy apartments. While you likely have your own space within the apartment, you likely have communal areas that are shared with your roommate. This is where differences in cleanliness can cause issues. If you are someone who hates any clutter and your roommate is okay with leaving things sitting around, you may want to consider whether or not this is a dealbreaker for living with the roommate. Sit down with your roommate and have a conversation. If things do not improve, consider finding other roommate arrangements.

Different sleep or study schedules

As a student, your studying is crucial, but you also need sleep. If you have a designated study time and your roommate is being noisy, despite requests to be quiet, consider finding a roommate who is respectful. While you can study elsewhere, you should be able to study in your apartment and not have to worry about noise and distractions.

Similarly, you need your sleep in order to keep doing well. A roommate who constantly comes in late and makes a lot of noise disrupts your sleep. This is a red flag, and you should consider finding a new roommate.

Guest policy

Some people do not like having guests spend the night, including significant others. Others do not mind as much. It is important that you have this conversation with your roommate from the beginning. If you express that you are not okay with having people spend the night, but they bring people over anyway, that is a major red flag, as it is disrespectful.

Also, you should discuss having people come over to hang out, but not necessarily spend the night. You may communicate that a certain schedule is okay and require a few days’ notice before people come over. This allows time for cleaning and other preparations. However, if your roommate steps outside these set boundaries, this is a red flag.

Lack of communication

Communication between roommates is crucial. You need to be able to talk about problems that arise and know that you will be heard and respected. However, red flags in terms of communication include refusal to discuss issues, passive-aggressive notes, and the inability to compromise or even listen. These things go against basic decency and respect, so you may need to find a new roommate situation if your current roommate is unable to communicate maturely and effectively.

Disrespect after conversations

No matter what issues arise, your roommates should be respectful of things you bring up. It can be difficult to hear criticism, even if it is constructive, but your roommate should still take your requests into consideration and compromise to make the living situation tolerable. However, if your roommate continues to do things after you bring them to their attention as being something you do not like, it may be a red flag. They may be purposefully doing these things out of spite, and you do not have the time or energy to continue dealing with these kinds of things.

Responsibilities and chores

When you first move in together, you likely created a roommate agreement where you outline how you and your roommate will handle chores. You probably split them, with you doing some chores each week and your roommate doing others. You likely have a timeline in place for when these chores need to be done. Things happen, and your roommate may have a bad week, leading you to decide to help them out by doing their share of the chores for them. However, if you are constantly finding yourself doing their chores as well as yours, or they never offer to do yours when you are having a rough week, this is a red flag that you should keep an eye out for.

Even though roommates who are perfect for each other have issues, there are red flags to look out for if you are considering finding a new roommate.