The Major Warning Signs of a Bad Living Situation

By Lana Oquendo

For first-year students, this upcoming summer or fall semester could be the first time you live with someone else. For continuing students, you could have a new roommate, whether you’re in a dorm or living off campus. In both cases, you might realize this living situation is not safe for you to stay in. From guest rules, boundaries, to general communication, you’ll want to recognize these signs early on to save yourself the headache of moving in the middle of the semester.

Below is a list of signs to watch out for and the proper steps to take, whether you’re a first-year or a continuing student, on or off campus.

This list is divided into 3 sections: Compatibility Warning Signs, Steps for First-Year Students, and Steps for Continuing Students.

Compatibility Warning Signs

The earliest signs of a living situation going wrong are in communication and boundaries. A lack of healthy communication coupled with disregarded boundaries is a recipe for disaster. These are the signs to watch out for:

● Declining Communication: If you notice that direct, in-person communication often leads to disagreements, in addition to retaliatory efforts of passive aggressiveness or stonewalling, it is a clear sign that there’s brewing tension between you and your roommates.

○ In a situation like this, you could opt to have a mediator (i.e., a close friend or an RA for dorm students) in the room to help you safely communicate.

● Breaking Boundaries: If you notice rules such as no overnight guests, entering rooms without knocking, using personal items, or forcing personal discussions are being broken frequently, and with more damage/consequences than the last time, that’s a sign you’re not in the safest environment.
● Financial Inconsistency: If you notice fair shares of bills are not being upheld, such as rent, utilities, or groceries, without communication for why they are not paying (discussing job loss, unexpected debt, etc.), that’s a sign you should try to get out sooner rather than later so you’re not stuck fronting the whole bill. In a different case, if they’re vague about when the bills are due and what the balances are, that’s a sign to leave as well.
● Uneven Responsibilities: If you notice cleaning schedules are ignored, they’re allowing guests to make a mess without cleaning up after themselves, or they’re using items in shared places without replacing them if they are empty/broken, then it can indicate a lack of respect for the space, and dumping more responsibilities on you to clean up everything.
● Tension Everywhere: Often, noticing you’re more uptight or they’re more reactive than usual is a sign that tension is brewing and needs to be addressed before it boils over. This is also noticeable in feeling like you’re walking on eggshells or leaving more than usual to avoid being home around them.

Steps for First-Year Students

For First-Year students or continuing students living in a dorm, your options are slightly different from those if you were living in an off-campus apartment. There are more rules and regulations you’ll have to follow that vary from school to school, but there are still some steps you can take to regain your peace. Follow these:

● Be Careful of Contracts: This relates more to my personal experience of having mismatched roommates.

○ There was a roommate agreement that all parties were required to sign at the start of the semester. I reluctantly signed, which almost became a problem for me, given that when I wanted to leave, I had a hard time getting out, as staff were less than willing to relocate me, despite how hostile things were getting in my dorm.

○ This included a lack of COVID safety regulations (potentially getting me sick with one roommate already having tested positive and having unauthorized parties), not doing the fair share of cleaning up (which led to flies in the kitchen), and not caring about noise levels (which led to complaints from other students), which all culminated in the final straw of having overnight guests that I did not know while I was asleep. I felt unsafe yet unsure of how to get out because of the contract.

○ The silver lining was that they did not sign their part, so the contract was not fully binding and allowed me to leave safely. I say this because you need to be aware of what you are signing and give yourself more time to get acclimated first before agreeing to stay in the unit. You never know how things will turn out as the semester progresses.

● Document Everything: This is as true today as it was for me in my situation. He said, she said will only get you so far when you’re trying to get out of a situation. Photos, videos, and voice recordings are the best bet if you’re trying to prove to staff why you want to leave.
● Leave Quietly: I learned that leaving quietly was the best option because I didn’t have to see them after telling the staff what happened. While it may be more work to do it by yourself if you don’t have friends to help you move, it will often alleviate more conflict with your roommates if you schedule it when they’re not there.
● Don’t be Afraid to Advocate for Yourself: For First-Year students, it’s harder to get out of tricky situations, especially with it being your first time leaving home. But part of being an adult is advocating for yourself, no matter what.

Steps for Continuing Students

For continuing students living in an off-campus apartment, your options are slightly better, but not for different reasons. While you’re not worried about getting relocated to a new dorm within the school, you likely have signed a lease to stay at the apartment, which makes that binding. But there are some steps you can take to get out of there safely.

● Talk to Your Landlord: Your best step is to talk to your landlord solo. You have some options in that conversation, such as buying out your share of the lease or seeing if there are available units you can move into that would make it easier to transfer.
● Consider a Sublet/New Roommate: If you are unable to break the lease, you could find another roommate to stay in your place and sublet it out to give yourself an out while not disrupting the lease as much for the landlord and your former roommate.

No matter your situation, you can always find a way out, even if it seems like your hands are tied!